The Art of Saying Goodbye to Love…

Here I am left quietly sitting.
Waiting and hoping
For some small glimpse at love,
And there you were
Stumbling on in.
With your smile
That shone like a
Beacon of light on my life.
Glimmering with hope
For my life,
A life once so dark.
So empty.
So consumed with
The pain from years
Of unshed tears.
Tears from that
Same life standing still.
Time standing still.
Once again waiting.
I am always waiting…
Waiting for a smile
(My smile),
Waiting for happiness
(My happiness),
Waiting for peace
(Any peace).
And you?
You brought a smile
So pure and true.
You brought happiness
Even if for only a moment.
You brought peace
Even if only a glimpse.
Because I felt it.
I believed it.
It was there.
It existed,
“We” existed
At one time,
But no longer.
Instead,
You failed me.
You tricked me.
You drowned me
With a false reality
While leaving me in
An empty space of truth,
An emptiness
That I must accept,
That I am left with
When my only wish
Was to be left with you.
Because the idea
Of being without you
Is terrifying,
Is saddening,
Is angering,
And it depletes me of
My energy,
My sanity,
My everything.
You were mine you know?
My everything that is.
And yet here I am
Alone.
How foolish was I?
So foolish to have
Allowed you to be
My light,
My sunshine,
My everything.
Your very being was
So intricately woven
Within my soul.
Within my mind.
My crazy mind.
Ugh!
Who knows what
Goes on in my
Crazy little mind,
Swirling and twirling
Around ideas and
Thoughts and dreams
Of how I believed
We should be.
Of how I wished
We would be.
Of how I so wanted
Us to be.
Together…forever.
But that simply
Was not meant to be.
So thank you!
Thank you for
Snapping me back to
This harsh reality.
For leaving me
In this lonely world,
While wondering if this
Really will make me
As strong as you tell me?
Because right now,
Right now I feel like
Nothing more than a
Weak broken mess.
A weak broken mess that
I have allowed you
To turn me into.
That I have turned
Myself into.
While the guilt…
That all-consuming guilt,
Of questioning myself.
And whether I
Allowed this.
Created this.
Fed into this,
And I did.
I did all of that and more,
Because you held up your hand
And I pushed it down.
You let go
And I held on tighter,
You walked away
And I ran to you,
You said no
So I said yes.
Foolishly.
Foolishly thinking,
Foolishly believing,
That I knew best.
That my instincts knew best
In spite of knowing
That my instincts
Have no bearing
Because this involves two,
Me and you.
And yet I failed you
Time and again.
My mind fails you,
Fails to consider you,
Because my heart
Only considers you,
Even when neither
Consider me.
So here we go
Once again
On this rollercoaster,
And I am
Terrified,
Wanting nothing more
Than to leave
This sickeningly
Twisted ride.
So I get up,
I leave.
I do us
Both a favor
By vacating my seat
For the next passenger
Who is bound to join you
For this ongoing ride
Of insanity,
And I say goodbye.
Goodbye
To what was
And what is,
To what I hoped it would be,
And what it never could be.
To what you tried to be,
And what you wanted to be.
To what we hoped we would be.
To “us.”
An “us” that never was
And never will be,
And now I have you to thank
For forcing me
To see the grim reality.
The reality of my
Unrealistic mind
And unrealistic heart
That has left us here
In this very moment
When we must part.
At a time best left
For me to say goodbye.
Goodbye to love and happiness,
To hope and peace.
Goodbye to your smile,
To my everything.
Goodbye my love.
Tell me,

Do you ever think of me?

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3 thoughts on “The Art of Saying Goodbye to Love…

  1. Ouch! Painful reading and all too familiar…the plaintive questioning at the end…it always comes down to that, doesn’t it?! Do you ever think of me, I wonder?! The answer to that is yes, of course – though it may not be in the ways we would prefer it to be.

    Liked by 1 person

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