The Art of Saying Goodbye to Love…

Here I am left quietly sitting

Waiting…hoping

For any small glimpse of love

And there you were

Stumbling on in

With your smile

That shone like a

Beacon of light on my life

Glimmering with hope

For my life

A life once so dark

So empty

So consumed with

The pain from years

Of unshed tears…

Tears from that

Same life standing still

Time standing still

Once again waiting

I am always waiting…

Waiting for a smile

(My smile)

Waiting for happiness

(My happiness)

Waiting for peace

(Any peace)

And you…

You brought a smile

So pure and true

You brought happiness

Even if for a moment

You brought peace

Even if only a glimpse

Because I felt it

I believed it

It was there

It existed

“We” existed

At one time

But no longer…

Instead

You failed me

You tricked me

You drowned me

With a false reality

While leaving me in

An empty space of truth

An emptiness

That I must accept

That I am left with

When my only wish

Was to be left with you

Because the idea

Of being without you

Is terrifying

Is saddening

Is angering

And it depletes me of

My energy

My sanity

My everything…

You were mine you know…

My everything that is

And yet here I am

Alone…

How foolish was I

So foolish to have

Allowed you to be

My light

My sunshine

My everything…

Your very being

So intricately woven

Within my soul

Within my mind

My crazy mind

Ugh…

Who knows what

Goes on in my

Crazy little mind

Swirling and twirling

Around ideas and

Thoughts and dreams

Of how I believe

We should be

Of how I wished

We would be

Of how I so wanted

Us to be

Together…forever

But that simply

Was not meant to be

So thank you for

Snapping me back to

This harsh reality

For leaving me

In this lonely world

While wondering if this

Really will make me

As strong as you tell me

Because right now

I feel like

Nothing more than a

Weak broken mess

A weak broken mess that

I have allowed you

To turn me into

That I have turned

Myself into

While the guilt

That all-consuming guilt

Of questioning myself

And whether I

Allowed this

Created this

Fed into this

And I did

I did all of that and more

Because you held up your hand

And I pushed it down

You let go

And I held on tighter

You walked away

And I ran to you

You said no

So I said yes…

Foolishly

Foolishly thinking

Foolishly believing

That I knew best

That my instincts knew best

In spite of knowing

That instincts

Have no bearing

When this involves two

Me and you

And yet I fail you

Time and again

My mind fails you

Fails to consider you

Because my heart

Only considers you

Even when neither

Considers me

So here we go

Once again

On this rollercoaster

And I am

Terrified

Wanting nothing more

Than to leave

This sickeningly

Twisted ride

So I get up

I leave

I do us

Both a favor

By vacating my seat

For the next passenger

Who is bound to join you

For this ongoing ride

Of insanity

And I say goodbye

Goodbye

To what was

And what is

To what I hoped it would be

And what it never could be

To what you tried to be

And what you wanted to be

To what we hoped we would be

To “us”

An “us” that never was

And never will be

And now I have you to thank

For forcing me

To see the grim reality

The reality of my

Unrealistic mind

And unrealistic heart

That has left us here

In this very moment

When we must part

At a time best left

For me to say goodbye…

Goodbye to love and happiness

To hope and peace

Goodbye to your smile

To my everything

Goodbye my love…

Tell me…

Do you ever

Think of me?

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “The Art of Saying Goodbye to Love…

  1. Ouch! Painful reading and all too familiar…the plaintive questioning at the end…it always comes down to that, doesn’t it?! Do you ever think of me, I wonder?! The answer to that is yes, of course – though it may not be in the ways we would prefer it to be.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s