So here is the thing, throughout life I have expended hours upon hours contemplating every experience, feeling and person encountered or that I have been forced to endure. Like many, I believed my life was laid out in accordance with our average selections: childhood, young adulthood, adulthood and so on. However, what I have found is, like always, I was quite wrong. In spite of having believed my childhood to be most difficult due to my overwhelming and all-consuming feelings of having been entirely alone, having experienced all of that pain and simply having no understanding of life or where I was heading…yet here is what I have come to find. That is and was not the case.
What I lacked was the knowledge that the most difficult years do not coincide with how many tears are shed…actually, they also do not coincide with how many tears you are able to keep from shedding. Instead, the most difficult years are the ones in which you experience the most growth, that is something like many I have survived…at least for now and only beginning over the last five years.
During this time I have met (and thankfully lost) some of the most amazing (and some of the most toxic) people I hope to have ever meet. I began and succeeded in my divorce, while thankfully keeping the furball and moving into my own place allowing me to truly discover me.
Something I recall that first day was pouring myself a cup of coffee and walking into every single room of my new apartment while finally feeling free. It was that evening when I went to make dinner and cut the carrots in any way I wanted rather than how I had been told for years before. It was me, being me, finally and simply breathing. Really breathing instead of pretending.
Then, as many of you know I went through quite a few downfalls beginning with “The Gift” : https://roadtotranscendence.wordpress.com/2015/08/18/the-gift/and how well that turned out, following into “How running saved my soul,” ( https://roadtotranscendence.wordpress.com/2015/05/14/how-running-has-saved-my-soul/ ) only to be followed by just as many postings as experiences. Well, that is when I truly dug into the difficult things. Working with a wonderful therapist while continuing to grow. I ran…literally…not figuratively. Well, maybe I had moments that it was figuratively, but mostly literally. It was a very dark period that I was quite well versed in, just never expected this late in life.
And I was blessed to having crossed paths with an amazing photographer, as well as her equally amazing videographer of a husband that took their time, saw something in me (as I saw in them) and they provided me with a wonderful platform. For someone coming from such a dark place to having a platform to truly express myself https://roadtotranscendence.wordpress.com/2015/08/24/the-art-of-cutting-2/, all thanks go to http://elizabethcraigphotography.com/ well, it gave me hope…in people, society, and life itself. So here is what came from our session:
John Craig Videography –
as well as:
along with this: https://vimeo.com/137061144
Since then sure, I have left a wonderful career…which I must add in spite of leaving that line of work, my happiness has far exceeded then when I was working in the same field simply making money rather than living. Now, I am also with one of the most supportive and wonderful men in my life. Who knows, that may change (everything may change) in the years to come, but for now I do believe I am in a wonderful (not great) place only to continue growing and becoming better throughout the years.
My hope is that everyone else can do the same.
So here is to working towards ending the year on a high note while learning from the rest, which is really what matters. Not the mistakes you or others have made, but what has been learned and the overall growth that has come from them.